Have you ever noticed yourself changing, yet feeling farther from your true self?
We may become more, less, or entirely different, yet somehow never truly ourselves. In our search for validation, sympathy, or approval, we often hide parts of who we are. We may change our goals, behaviors, or even how we see ourselves, drifting away from the person we truly are.
This can create real pain, a gap between who we are and who we hope to be. We overextend or retreat in different areas of our lives. At work or in family settings, we might over give, trying to be accepted and valued. In relationships, we may seek approval, adjust our tastes, or push ourselves to perfection. Whether we overcompensate or hold back, these behaviors often reflect a natural, deep yearning for belonging, acceptance, and connection. This is part of the way we navigate our desire to be seen and understood.
Eventually, our mind and body demand a pause. Exhaustion sets in, prompting us to ask the big questions:
What is wrong? "
How do we move forward?
It is in these moments of stillness that self-discovery begins.
By slowing down, we start to observe our needs, our values, and who we truly are. Step by step, we reconnect with ourselves. We learn to exist gently, to be with others without pressure, and to honor our authentic journey. In doing so, we cultivate psychological flexibility, balance, and a deeper sense of inner peace.
Changing is not inherently wrong, as it is part of growth, but losing ourselves in the process can cause suffering. The key is to return, consciously, to our true self: not to
please, not to perform, but to simply be.
Take a moment today to notice where you may be overextending or retreating, and what it reveals about your own need to belong.
By Lara Raad, Clinical Psychologist and Psycho-Organic Analyst
