Mai was sitting on the floor, her back against the couch, laptop open in front of her on Instagram. Her fingers moved quickly across the touchpad, scrolling through pictures: Lina in front of her new car, Noha wandering the streets of Istanbul, Sara smiling as her fiancé held her hand, her ring sparkling under the sun.
A tightness gripped Mai’s chest. She muttered to herself:
“And me? Nothing…”
Noor sat beside her, watching her anxious expression. She leaned closer and said softly:
“Mai, these are just moments from people’s lives — not the whole story.”
Mai shut the laptop abruptly, frustration in her voice:
“You don’t get it, Noor! When I see them doing things I couldn’t do, I just feel like a failure.”
From across the room, Hikma’s calm but firm voice cut through:
“The problem isn’t what they’re doing… the problem is the scale you’re using to measure your life. You’re comparing yourself to someone else’s path — and that’s unfair to you.”
An hour later, Mai was in the kitchen pouring tea, phone in hand as she typed in her friends’ group chat:
“You girls always post about your achievements… If I wrote about my day, it would be: woke up, ate, worked, and slept!”
She looked up to see Noor standing in front of her, eyes full of empathy:
“But you worked on your project today — that’s progress. Why are you downplaying it?”
Hikma entered the room, adding:
“Comparison has never been an accurate measure. Even if you were successful, as long as you keep looking at others, you’ll never feel enough.”
That evening, Mai sat in the living room with a notebook and pen. She raised her head and asked:
“So… if I’m not comparing myself to others, who do I compare myself to?”
Noor smiled: “To yourself yesterday.”
Hikma nodded: “Look at where you were a year ago, and see what’s changed. Even the smallest changes matter.”
A smile slowly spread across Mai’s face, as if she had finally understood something she’d been missing:
“So instead of saying ‘She’s better,’ I say, ‘I’ve grown.’”
Noor chuckled, patting her shoulder:
“Exactly… and we celebrate your steps, no matter how small.”
Reflection Questions:
• What moment from your own life came to mind while watching Mai compare herself to others?
• How do you feel when you see someone achieve something you wanted? (Joy – Jealousy – Frustration – Motivation…)
• In your opinion… is comparison always negative, or can it sometimes be useful?
• What’s the difference between learning from someone and feeling you’re less than them?
Practical Steps for Handling Comparison:
1. Measure your progress against yourself: Write down three things you accomplished today/this week — even small ones.
2. The “Yesterday Scale”: Instead of comparing yourself to others, compare today’s version of you with who you were a month, six months, or a year ago.
3. Small, measurable goals: Pick one small daily step that moves you toward your goal (e.g., 20 minutes of learning, one page of writing, an important phone call).
4. Limit exposure to triggers: If social media makes you feel bad, take scheduled breaks or follow only accounts that inspire you.
5. Document your wins: Keep a small “success journal” where you note every achievement, no matter how small.
6. Reframe emotions: When feelings of jealousy or inadequacy come, ask yourself: “What can I learn from this?” and “What’s one small step I can take right now?”
By Dr Eman Mahmoud
Find her on the counselors page!